『鬱ごはん』—絶望への吸引力

ああ そうか…
このトーストは 焼く前から
失敗していたんだ…


世には”食漫画”がはびこっている。

B級の店、料理を楽しむ、小さく孤独な世界を実に活き活きと描いた名作、『孤独のグルメ』
「食べる」という快楽を、官能的なまでにデフォルメ(もしくは忠実)に描く、『花のずぼら飯』
果てには、刑務所内で「一番旨そうな話をしたやつが勝ち」という勝負が始まる、形を持った飯が登場しない漫画さえある。土山しげるの『極道めし』だ。

食欲とは、まさに欲求であり、同時に快楽でもある。
腹が減り、それがうまい料理で満たされる。
至福とはまさにこのことであり、何度も人はずうずうしく腹を空かせ、食という快楽を繰り返す。

食漫画も、その種類は多々あれど、基本的にはその“快楽”を様々な視点から描いていると言えるだろう。
そんな食漫画界に突如現れた、そして誰も望んでいなかったダークホースが、この『鬱ごはん』だ。

施川ユウキの描く食は、快楽ではなく、義務だ。
食べなければ死ぬ。だから食べねばならない。
そこに食の輝き、食べることへの至福は、ない。

鬱ごはん

総じて、出てくる料理がすべてまずそうなのだ。
こんなにも生命力のない食事風景を描いた漫画は、他に見たことがない。

IMG_4162

IMG_4144

IMG_4146

何よりも特徴的なのは、失敗だ。
『鬱ごはん』では、ことごとく食べることに失敗している。
トーストは焼き焦げ、カツサンドを食べるつもりが切ったパンの耳で満腹になってしまう。
極めつけは、料理の「こぼし」だ。

鬱ごはん

鬱ごはん

鬱ごはん

食漫画のはずなのに、これでもかと言うくらいに料理をこぼす。
料理に失敗しているのではなく、食べることに失敗しているのだ

人は食べなければ、生きていけない。
食べることが快楽ならば、生きることも快楽と言えるかも知れない。
しかし、食べることが義務になっているのなら、生きることも義務に思えてくる。

食べることに失敗し続ける主人公・鬱野たけし。
彼は、生きることに失敗し続けているとも言える。
さらに、就職浪人という設定が彼に追い打ちをかける。

孤独のグルメ

モノを食べる時はね、誰にも邪魔されず
自由でなんというか救われてなきゃあダメなんだ
独りで静かで豊かで・・・

孤独のグルメ、井之頭五郎の至言だ。

鬱野たけしも、孤独な食を続ける。
しかし、そこに救いはない。

それは、結局のところ、彼はひとりではあっても孤独にはなれていないからだ。
肥大した自意識が、「客観的な自分」を生み出して、脇からつついてくる。

鬱ごはん

誰も自分のことなんて見ていない。
でも、他人の目を想像してしまう自分は、消えることがない。
孤独にさえなれず、ひとりで箸をすすめる。

鬱ごはん

誰も傷つけたくない。
裏返せば、誰にも傷つけられたくない。
そうした願いが、足に鎖をつけさせ、そして転ぶ。
そんな自意識の針に刺される鬱野たけしを他人に思えず、その針はコマを飛び越えこちらにも刺さってくる。

思えば、料理をこぼしたことがない人などいないのではないだろうか。
忘れていたはずの失敗が詰まった『鬱ごはん』。
「どうにもならない」という、あの黒く、粘着性のあるいやな気持ちが胸の奥から染み出してくる。

と、ここまで暗澹たる紹介文を書いてしまうのも、この本をまったく他人事と思えなかったからです。
「もうやめてくれ…」と思いながらも、ページをめくる手はとまらない。
絶望への吸引力が、強い。

そんな自虐的な気持ちを、いや、”共虐的”な感情を持ってしまう、希有な漫画でした。
「美味しい食事」に飽きてきたあなたの鞄に、そっと忍び込ませたい一冊です。

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