生きるススメ

粗い鋭さ。


戸田が自分のホームページでWEBマンガとして描いていたものが、出版社の目にとまり本になったもの。

比較的「何でも」が許される個人作品だったこともあってか、容赦なくこちらの精神をえぐってくる。

絵や話がグロいわけじゃない。
見たくない不公平さ、汚さ、身勝手な自分、えこひいき、それを感じている自分、実感。
それらに僕たちはフタをして、フタをしているのを忘れたふりして生活している。

でもこの本は、その見たくなかったもの、見なくてもよかったもの、見えないふりをしていたものを、見せてくる。

いやー、胃もたれするマンガです。

短編集で、1ページだけの話も。
全部が全部シリアスなわけではないけど、サクッと僕たちに刺さってくる。

何だろうなぁ。
登場人物たちが、すごく人間じみてるんだよね。
彼らを「未完成」と言うことも出来るかも知れないけど、それを僕たちは否定できないはず。
だって、僕らも未完成だもん。
でも、多くの日々僕たちは自分の「未完成さ」と対峙しないで、なんとなーくやり過ごして生活してる。

毎日おもっくるしいこと考えてたら、体もたないしね。

数多くの話の中でも、『わるい子』が、結構好きだ。

生まれつき重病で、機械で生かされてる状態の妹を持つ、小学生の姉。
病院の先生が、「かわいい寝顔だよね」と語りかけてくる。
妹をかわいいと言いたい。でも、ブサイクにしか見えない。私は悪い子だ。かわいいと言えるように、なりたい。
そう思って泣く姉。

いやー、重い。というか、鋭い。
僕が同じ状況で横の人が「かわいいですよね」と言ってきたら、僕は仮にそう思っていなくても「かわいいですよね」と言ってしまう。そしてその時、僕の中にはどす黒いモヤモヤが一瞬立ちこめて、でもすぐに消えるだろう。
自分の中に生まれた違和感を、なかったことにする。

だから『わるい子』を読んで、自分が見ないふりをしていた自分の態度を見せられるとともに、そのモヤモヤに真正面からぶつかってる小学生の女の子がうらやましかった。

ハッピーエンド、ていう形のものはほとんどない。
でも、なんだろう。
このマンガの好きなところは、最後、決して希望とまでは言えないんだけど、「まだ
終わったわけじゃない」ていう感覚を覚えられるところ。

この先、何があるかわからない、もっと辛いこともあるかも知れない。
でも、これは最悪じゃない。まだ、終わりじゃない。
辛いけど、悲しいけど、押しつぶされそうだけど、でも、まだ歩ける。前を向ける。

希望それ自体はないけど、僕たちが希望を持つことを許されてる。
そんな気にさせてくれる。

それは何より、この本のタイトルからも見て取れるだろう。

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