セックス・ボランティア

愛のあるセックス。愛のないセックス。愛を求めるセックス。

まず、執筆のためのインタビューであったり、著者の姿勢であったりなんてことよりも、このテーマで本を書いた、という点で著書を評価したい。

内容は障害者の性。それも障害者のための風俗に視点を置いている。これを公に取り上げるってのは、かなりの神経がいるはず。で、あるからこそ語られないし、社会的に見えない、イコール存在しない問題となってしまう。

差別的な発言になるのを覚悟して言うと、障害者も恋愛をするんだな、と思わされた。人間の営みとして至極、とても至極普通で普遍であることなのに。
恋愛しない、と意識的に思っていたわけじゃない。でも、無意識に、障害者と恋愛を別の階層で考えていたのは事実だ。そーだよなー。恋愛するし、恋愛したいし、キスするし、キスしたいし、セックスするし、セックスしたいよな。それって当たり前に自分も感じることなのに、その自分の当たり前を「当たり前に」障害者に当てはめていなかった。

この問題を公に議論する難しさとして、

・そもそも風俗が違法
・とてもプライベートに踏み込んだ内容

が、あると思う。だから僕たちがこれを誰かと話し合うのは、とても難しい。その難しさに向き合った本。

そもそも「障害者」というくくりが、ある種危険だ。
社会的に知名度の高い乙武さんなんかは、「障害が1つの個性としてふつーに認知される社会になるべき」という姿勢だ。つまり、「お前そんな短い足じゃ女の子とキスできねーぞー」「お前こそその臭い息を何とかしろよー」って感じで、健常者と障害者がふつうに冗談を言い合う感じ。それって、1つの健全な社会のあり方だと思う。
でも同時に、禿げてきた頭に触れて欲しくない人もいるし、変に気遣われるより笑って指摘されるほうが嬉しい人もいる。要は最終的には「人それぞれ」だと思う。自分のなにをコンプレックスに感じて、それを人に知られたいか否か、てのはその人自身の感覚。
それって障害者であろうと親しくならなければどう付き合えばいいか分からない、てことで、つまり一般的な人間関係と変わらない、と僕は思う。

「障害者」というカテゴライズを否定するわけじゃない。むしろ必要だと思う。でも、その言葉の定義の上に安心して寝ころぶのは危険だ。

いくつか気になった言葉を引用したい。

出張ホストを呼ぶ股関節脱臼という障害を持つ女性。

「いえ、やはり結婚はしないと思います。私は自分のことだけで精一杯です。例えば、好きな人のためにご飯を作ることも、洗濯することもできません。好きな人の悲しい顔を見るのが一番辛いですよね。愛している男性にもずっと一生車いすを押してもらうのは忍びないんです。それに、もし子どもができてもなにもしてあげられません。親が病気になっても看病さえできない。病院へ連れていくこともできない。私にはなにひとつできないんです」

「ときどき弱くなりたいと思う。でも、なれないんです」

オランダで障害者とセックスする相手を派遣する団体であるSAR関係者の言葉。ちなみにオランダでは売春は合法。

「でもね、SARへの不満はお客さんからよく聞きました。まずは、四十代以上の女性が多いこと。六十代もいると聞いています。また、SARは介護や看護関係者が多いから、障害者に対してもケアしてあげたいという気持ちが強い。しかし、障害者自身は楽しいセックスがしたいだけなので、同情なんて必要ないんです。」

健常者のゆかりさんと、脳性麻痺の葵さん夫婦。

ただひとつ、ゆかりさんには不満がある。ふたりの結婚についての周囲の反応だ。「葵にはみんな必ず『よかったね』って言うんです。何がよかったんだよって思う。私に対してはきまって『えらいね』って。別にえらくないのに」

葵さんの言葉。

「障害者が街をぉ歩いているだけで、おばさんとかに、『ご苦労さぁま』と言われる。心の中では『お前もぉだ』って思うけどぉ」

この本の中では、様々な「性」が出てくる。そして、それぞれが、それぞれの形で「性」受け止めている。

セックスボランティアを恋人に重ね合わせ、叶わない恋愛の代わりにしている障害者がいる。
セックスボランティアを単なる性欲の解消として捉えている障害者がいる。

障害者のため、無償でセックスの相手やマスターベーションの手伝いをする健常者がいる。
純粋なビジネスとして、障害者にセックスの相手を派遣する会社がある。

恋愛を諦めた障害者がいる。
恋愛を楽しむ障害者がいる。

難しい。
そして何よりももどかしかったのは、きっと通用しないであろう僕の思いだ。

障害者だから恋愛しちゃいけない、なんてわけないでしょ、と明るく前向きな障害者の方がいる。そんな人の言葉に僕は今までの自分の感覚を自省するとともに、非常に頼もしく思う。
しかし、長年、ずっと、思うようにいかなくて恋愛を諦めた障害者に、僕は同じことを言えるだろうか?

「障害なんて関係ないよ。恋愛は全ての人がしていいんだ」

これは僕の正直な思いだ。そうであって欲しい。しかし、それを僕は口に出せるだろうか?

今の僕にとって、この言葉はひどく無責任だ。僕にとって、この言葉が無責任にならない日はくるのだろうか?
今はまだ、わからない。

本当はもっと思うところがあるのだけれど、十分長くなってしまった。機会があれば、コラムでも書きたい。

「性」と「生」は決して分けることはできない。

「あなたはどう生きたいの?」
そう問われる本。

客観的には読めない本。
でも、是非読んでもらいたい一冊です。

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